Friday, November 27, 2009
hmmm... It has been a long time since I wrote here.. Well, things have been pretty messed up lately and now I am trying my very best to make everything alright. Mentally, of course. I have felt feelings that I have never felt before throughout my entire life, experienced adventures that I never thought I would experience, heard things that I never thought I would hear. It has been a roller coaster ride for the past few weeks. I had so many things playing in my mind, intertwining to be exact. Some of them are like movies, replaying themselves. Some good, some bad. But I know that I cannot run away from all these, much as I want to. It is like I am standing right there on the battlefield, ready for war and I feel like running away. Part of me is asking me to give up. However, there is something in me that is asking me to run forward, not backward. To run or not to run... It is like I came to this crossroad.. Not knowing which way to take. At that point, I don't know what to do. Questions popped into my mind. Many questions. Related and unrelated. Too many. I couldn't take it anymore. Ubiquitous voices were saying "choose". I couldn't decide. I cannot decide. I stood there, hands over my ears as the voices overwhelmed me. My chest tightening, my legs giving way, my mind swirling. I felt something piercing through my heart.. The excruciating pain. Gripping my chest, I know I have to stand up and face reality.. cold, harsh reality. You were with me all the way.. All the way. I gave myself to you. And so I took the road not taken because although it is painful, it seemed like the right thing to do. Now, all I can do is to pray... hard.
Because you love me for who I am. 8:27 PM.
